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Quotes/Bernice
A collection of quotes by Bernice. Season 1 * "And if anybody fails to do that. I'll make his life a living hell." raises his hand. "A worse one than it is now!" * Duckman: "I was attacked, beaten, left for dead". Bernice: "I told you not to join a record and tape club." * 'Cornfed: '"I came as soon as I heard Duckman was missing." 'Bernice: '"Me too, but then I got worried." Season 2 * "WHAT!!? YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRYING ME BECAUSE I REMINDED YOU OF YOUR MOTHER!!! That and the fact I could split coconuts with my thighs." Season 3 * "Harassment is a horrible thing, but maybe a few of us have started to see it where it doesn't exist. If we're too cautious the passion, the spontaneity, the risk-taking, could be replaced by meaningless, stilted, robotic exchanges. And we'll never recapture the more interesting awkwardness that comes from simple attraction. " * "Unfortunately I didn't hear you or I would have made a joke at your expense." * 'Emily: '"Girlfriend Bernice, I wonder if I could take a bath?" 'Bernice: '"I'm afraid not. Spiders crawled into the tub and we're all scared to go in." 'Emily: '"But I thought women could do anything. We can be astronauts, heads of state, soldiers…" 'Bernice: '"You don't seem to understand, these are spiders!" Season 4 * 'Dr. Fox: '"We have a domineering mother figure who delights in cruelly emasculating the men in her life." 'Bernice: '"Not just the men!" * (singing) "A child is like a flower that grows before your eyes, it's been home and heart all along home and heart that makes a family strong. From winter to spring to summer to fall, it's been home and hearth all alo- gets hit in the face by a bottle as the crowd boo's. * 'Bernice: '"You know it's so revealing to see the things a man acquires for his home. The things that make him happy." 'King Chicken: '"Not everything a man acquires make him happy. Especially if he didn't comparison shop before hand." 'Bernice: '"I know a perfect store that has everything in just the right size and colour. Too bad it's no longer… Open." 'King Chicken: '"I think said store has forgotten what a long shopping list a certain customer has." 'Bernice: '"No. In fact I think a certain customer should see a professional about a credit extension." * "Oh Kingy, all I want is for you to get a divorce, give up your lifelong dream, settle down in a God forsaken sink hole, work long hours at a poorly payed service industry job, while I get old and fat caring for my dead sisters three children! Is that so much to ask?" * "As I already told you, which I will now repeat, not as clunky exposition but because it feels so damn good." * "Couldn't we have this idiotic conversation some other time? Say at your cremation!" Comics * "Coward. Guess I'll have to be the man and woman of the house." * 'Old Woman: '"I'd just like to know, has she tried a vibrator?" 'Bernice: '"Nah. Those things scare me to death." * Video Game Category:Quotes